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Entry #126

This is how I lost my facebook account...

9/27/13 by thespammer
Updated 10/2/13

Well, my facebook account is now indefinetely locked because it is run by some n****r assholes.
a few days ago i tried logging in my facebook, only to find that i was temporarily suspended.
they had me identify pictures of my friends and that shit, then they needed a photo ID proving that my name "Spammy Mcspam" is real.

I sent them a picture ID proving my existence, but they didnt buy it, so i got this email: (see top picture)
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Hi,

Facebook is a community where people use their real identities. We require everyone to provide their real first and last names and real birthday so you always know who you're connecting with. Your account is temporarily suspended because it doesn’t list your real name.

To reopen this account, please reply to this email stating your real name as it would be listed on a government-issued ID, like a
passport or driver's license. Once we know your real name, we will correct the name on your account and reactivate it.

Your name can’t include:
- Symbols, numbers, unusual capitalization, repeating characters, or punctuation
- Characters from multiple languages
- Titles of any kind (ex: professional, religious, etc.)

Other things to keep in mind:
- Nicknames can be used as your first or middle name if they're a variation of your real first, middle, or last name (like Bob instead of Robert)
- You can always list an alternative name on your account: https://www.facebook.com/help/?faq=131728300237162
- Only one person's name can be listed on the account – timelines are for individual use only
- Pretending to be anything or anyone is not allowed

If you’re worried about your privacy, you can restrict who can find you in searches
from the “Connecting on Facebook” page. To get to this page, click on the Privacy Settings link in the Account menu at the top of every Facebook page.

If you ever come across another account with a name that violates our policies, feel free to report it by using the “Report/block this Person” link located on that account.

Note that we will not be able to open your account until you respond to this email with your real name. Also, once we update your account with your real name you won’t be able to change the name on your account. Sorry for the inconvenience.

For more information on our name policies, please visit:

https://www.facebook.com/help/?page=258984010787183

Thanks,

Walter
User Operations
Facebook

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Afterwards I ranted at him cus i was pissed off
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Seriously?

I've used facebook on this account for YEARS and never had a single issue about my name until the past few months. Since when did facebook suddenly start caring about this trivial bullshit? Why in the fuck am I being treated as I would at a border patrol checkpoint?! Since when the fuck do you people have the right to demand my papers?! I JUST WANT TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS GODDAMMIT!!!! I dont see how you people at facebook get to judge whether somebody's name is legitimate or not; facebook is not an authoritative figure. It is and should stay a service FOR people, instead of dictating everybody and playing god. This makes sense I guess; with all that information about various people you guys just couldn't keep your greedy hands off of it. You guys just HAD to share that shit with the government so they could keep everyone under surveillance and as a result, you have to filter out the phony-looking accounts to save space in your databanks.
You people also enjoy laying more and more unnecessary rules and regulations over time; looks like your popularity has gotten to your thick fucking skulls. I made this account in order to connect with my friends that I made over the internet for the past few years, and I guess ill never be able to contact them ever again thanks to you people bitching about me needing a "real" name; because YOU guys said so and YOU want it your way. I can assure you that I am indeed very real, and the friends that I connect with regularly with this account are also real. I've had real laughs with my friends on this account, I've shared real stories with them, and I've honestly had more fun with them than I do with most other people, but you arbitrarily decide it isnt real. I keep getting these fucking emails about unread notifications, and I wont ever be able to check them because you people simply enjoy raping me. Is it really that difficult to just let me resume
using my account as it was, as "Spammy Mcspam"? Obviously not, but it is for you guys because youre all so tight assed. So in conclusion: fuck facebook, and fuck you Walter. Oh and please give a big FUCK YOU to that sellout Zuckerberg. You can put your face to my ass for all I care, maybe I can make a better social network than that the piece of shit everyone else uses. I'll call it AssFace.

Very insincerely,

Spammy Spam Mcspammerton
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I was surprised to get a response but anyway I got it
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Hi,

We're sorry, but the only way we will be able to reopen this account is if you reply to this email and attach a color image of your photo ID confirming your full name and date of birth.

If you don't have a government-issued photo ID, we'll accept a copy of a photo ID (ex: a work or school ID) and a copy of a government-issued document verifying your name and age (ex: a birth certificate). We'll permanently delete these documents after we resolve your issue.

Note that your account will remain locked if you don't respond with ID that meets these requirements.

Thanks,

Walter
User Operations
Facebook

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I sent him the second picture of my "ID" after spending a few minutes editing it on microsoft paint. (see bottom picture)
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Dear Walter,

Well fine then, here it is.
Id like to go by the portion of my name underlined, as you can see my full name will be a tad bit long.

-Adolfo Hitler
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Hi,

We can't give you access to this account or take any other action on it because you haven't provided an acceptable ID that matches the information listed on the account.

This account will remain locked as a security precaution. We're sorry for the inconvenience, but this decision is final.

Thanks,

Walter
User Operations
Facebook

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Seeing that my attempts to get my account back was FUBAR, I decided to try my luck for a fuck.
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Dear Assface,

I am very disappointed in you Walter, keeping my account locked isnt going make anything "safer".
Society will continue its downward spiral, poverty and famine will continue its spread, the economy will continue to worsen, international relations will continue exacerbating, our environment will continue dying, and so forth.
Locking one person's account isnt going to solve any of these problems, especially if you did it for your own selfish reasons.

Are you worried that my account might go turbo and start causing all this?
Thats fucking stupid; its like forcing me to put a condom on my dildo; I might as well just lick it clean or use it as it is.

I better get a good reason for this "security precaution".

Anyway, I will only forgive you if you allow me to keep my penis locked deep up your rectum as you have locked my account away for good.
It is only fair at this point; you take something from me, I get to take something from you. In this case it will be your virginity.*;;) batting eyelashes

-Spammy Mcspam
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I have yet to get a response back, but if I do ill post it here.

Looking back at this short exchange I find it kind of amusing, although now ive lost contact with some good internet pals and fuck buddies.
I think ill just have to make a new account...

The image on top was what I used first, the second one was used after they said it wont work :P

TLDR: i got locked out of my facebook for good and I also want to rape you for skipping through all this funny shit you faggot.

I added my skype for no apparent reason, hit me up n****rs!

I have finally created a new, genuiner facebook. ADD ME PLS!!!!!!1111111 :D

This is how I lost my facebook account...


Comments

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CloudEaterCloudEater

12/19/13

yeah it was probably me. & no, goodbye

12/20/13 thespammer responds:

CMON NIGGER YOU FUCKING RUINED MY FACEBOOK THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS GIVE YOURSELF TO MEEEEEEEEeeeee! :'(


CloudEaterCloudEater

12/17/13

hahaahhahaha, good one.

12/18/13 thespammer responds:

i miss u, even though im pretty sure you were the one that reported me.
LETS FUCK <3


FireworkFirework

11/30/13

HORY SHET. I know that feeling bruuuh :(

12/12/13 thespammer responds:

yeah nigga its all good now lets rub wieners :3


EnticeEntice

11/21/13

wow why don't you use your real name instead of being a stupid cunt lel

11/21/13 thespammer responds:

YOU DUMB FUCKING ASS FAGGOT FUCKER I DID USE MY REAL NAME ITS SPAMMY MCSPAM. GOD I WANNA RAPE YOU AND PLS ADD ME ON MY NEW ACCOUNT ITS LINKED TO MY USERPAGE YOU NIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111 >:O


fucking gold. what retards.

10/1/13 thespammer responds:

iknowrite? I honestly thought they would be stupid enough to accept the IDs i made for myself


It is unquestionably them having a poor sense of humor

10/1/13 thespammer responds:

yeah, its one reason why i pretty much hate everyone. >:(


CyberdevilCyberdevil

10/1/13

They've probably started filtering out anything with 'spam' init. Shame.

I abandoned that place a long time ago though, NG for life.

10/1/13 thespammer responds:

Yeah, as much as I hate facebook, I really REALLY hate admitting that I am kinda glued to it as with most other people.
I might give in to my desire to make a new account, one with a more legitimate name of course.

the sad fact is that more people talk to me on my alias account more than on my "other" profile, so it really frustrated me.


Some people can't talk a joke..... damn admins.....

9/29/13 thespammer responds:

story of my life man, either im not very funny or people really have a shitty sense of humor. I think its the latter :/


WegraWegra

9/28/13

Facebook better not try this shit with me

9/28/13 thespammer responds:

Chances are that somebody reported me cus im sure there are plenty of spammy mcspams on facebook.
and knowing you, id say you'd rape them good if they fucked around with ur account


I must say, your responses are truly kickass. I hope you win the fight against social media oppression!

9/27/13 thespammer responds:

Thanks nigga, I think i lost this time to be honest, but at least I did it with style and grace :P


You should take a gander at the drawing "Facebook Sucking Dick" if you're in need of amusement.

9/27/13 thespammer responds:

LOL this is highly amusing ima fave dis :D


creepyboycreepyboy

9/27/13

Facebook is fuckin' gay

9/27/13 thespammer responds:

yeah man, its gay like me but in the bad way


BumFodderBumFodder

9/27/13

get it changed to your real name innit

9/27/13 thespammer responds:

Nigga, my real name is Spammy Mcspam
and you know that cus you scream it out every night when we fuck :3


JollyJolly

9/27/13

fuck fb

9/27/13 thespammer responds:

Yeah, it started out alright, then it got shittier with time like most things :/